Govt. Task Force: Bathing Suits

Good afternoon! I thought I’d depart from my usual blogs and hopefully provide a few well-needed laughs.  I wrote this piece in a Writing Humor Class at the Iowa Summer Writing Festival 1995, taught by the great Dan “Dr. Science” Coffey. He was a member of the famous Duck’s Breath Mystery Theatre. What a great class, and a talented teacher.  Enjoy!


The Special Government Task Force on Bathing Suits recently made known their new label mandate. This special warning will be stamped in bar code on the front of each thong (or bum-floss) bathing suit sold.

The warning reads: “Thong bikinis, when worn by any person over age twenty, have proven to be threatening, even dangerous to the casual observer, and just downright butt-ugly.”

This dictate was precipitated by a lawsuit between the State of Florida and a forty-two year old woman, who, while crossing the street, stopped in the middle to extricate aforesaid thong from her buttocks. This precipitated a multi-car collision, the likes of which have not been witnessed since the ill-fated Wonder Bra incident of 1994.

The male population of the nation is not without guilt in contributing to this national threat. On Miami Beach, an unsuspecting elderly woman was putting up her beach umbrella. She happened to glance up, saw eighty-six year old thong wearer, Dick Withers, and accidentally pushed the eject button on her umbrella. It took several lifeguards, a team of paramedics, and three pounds of Crisco to extract the hysterical woman out from under the potential deathtrap.

To prevent casualties such as the two described above, officials will activate the following procedure: Federal Proctors will be placed at strategic areas in beach parking lots. Each individual wearing a thong suit will undergo a special bar code check with instruments developed by NASA. This will enable officials to monitor these citizens. Those who cannot see past their stomachs will need to be reminded that they are wearing this device.

Numerous petitions have been signed by various civil rights and nudist groups in adamant protest of this new regulation. But a strong supporter and former victim of this national problem says, “You don’t ever think this kind of thing will ever happen to you, but when it does it really bums you out.”

ISBN Grateful Again

It’s a hot summer already,  and it won’t be letting up for a while. If you ask me, it’s a really good time to hole up in the air conditioning and read a good book.

I’m singing and dancing because  Monday I got to share the cover for Heartbeat of the Moon, Book #2 of my Rhythm of the Moon series:

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*Available for pre-order at

Have you ever been hot and cold at the same time? I’m hot because…well…I mean, look at Ian! And I’ve got the shivers  thinking about what Maggie and Ian must go through to keep their  love, and each other, alive.

I’m singing because I’m grateful for the opportunity to share my historical romance with readers. I have a great editor who gets my writing, and a family who supports, accepts, and tolerates my eccentric writer behavior. And I’m thankful for the many writers who have mentored and encouraged me along the way, and the Wild Rose Press for giving me a chance.

I’m dancing because I’m excited to share a few lines with you.

Maggie and Ian’s story begins in Mercy of the Moon, Book #1.

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Here’s the first paragraph:

“The sun sulked low in the sky as Maggie Wilson stood over her sister’s grave in the kirkyard of St. Agnes the Virgin, the ancient church towering over her in judgment. Perhaps if she had not been away when Sarah had borne her child, she could have saved her. The midwife of the town of King’s Harbour knew well that death all too often triumphed over valor. But must it be Sarah?”

Here’s a random line from Ian in Heartbeat of the Moon:

“Distance has not dulled the memory of you: the grey of your eyes, dark as an undertow when you are vexed, your black hair spread like fine Chinese silk over my bare chest, your wide hips my comfort and my compass.”

That’s all for now. I’d love to hear from you.

Thanks for joining me as I celebrate this second book milestone.