ABSQUATULATE

Yon Bridget is plagued with personal demons today. My two-year-old grandson has been visiting this week, and she’s not used to being second fiddle. Whatever he loves, she loves. So today, in a desperate bid for affection, Bridget “absquatulated” with his favorite snack.*

What does it all mean? According to dictionary.com, “absquatulate” means to leave, or flee. Simple, right? When I say it aloud, it cracks me up, and sounds vaguely obscene. Do you agree?

Here’s the kicker: I visited etymonline.com for more info, and discovered the word originated around 1837.

It’s the brainchild of William B. Bernard, author of the play, “The Kentuckian,” uttered by the character NIMROD WILDFIRE. I kid you not. You can bet Nimrod Wildfire “absquatulated” with the show every night.

It’s a service I enjoy providing, arming you with powerful words as you battle the forces within and without. Your new word is very effective and doubly obscene if you say it very slowly…combining “Nimrod Wildfire” with it will slay the fiercest bully.

Bridget’s panties are in a bunch today, but her constant “absquatulating” will decrease when my grandson leaves. I hope.

*Okay, anyone with any wits about them can see I orchestrated this picture. I write FICTION, remember? But she did steal a stick of butter off the counter again yesterday, so it’s not a complete fabrication.